


Beyond Reach

by legendofthesevenstars



Category: Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: F/M, Gen, Light Angst, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:00:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27650365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendofthesevenstars/pseuds/legendofthesevenstars
Summary: After Folken expresses remorse for his deeds in Zaibach, Van remembers his childhood with his older brother and the last time he hugged him before he disappeared. Distressed that he can no longer show such affection, Van is consumed by the need for touch, but struggles to communicate his need to others.
Relationships: Van Fanel & Allen Schezar, Van Fanel & Merle, Van Fanel/Kanzaki Hitomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Beyond Reach

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place between episode 22 and 23.

Folken had finally returned to Palas, for good this time. Van struggled to forgive him completely. It was still hard to grasp that Folken had really survived, and that he’d sworn allegiance to the Zaibach Empire. He said he’d seen the error of his ways, but Van would keep a close eye on him, just in case.

Ten years had passed, but his last memories of Folken still made his chest ache. When he was a boy, Folken had lifted him on his shoulders, watched him climb trees, and raced him through the woods to the cliff where he taught him how to fly. Folken had always caught him when he fell. Then Folken died. And Mother disappeared.

Van had been so nervous on that day. Not just because of Folken, but because of Balgus. When Folken had left, his eyes looked troubled, like he’d known something Van hadn’t, but when Van had asked, he’d said it was nothing. Later, he’d tell Van that he’d had a feeling Folken was going to fail. If Van had known it was the last time he’d see his brother, he would have hugged Folken a little tighter.

The first time he’d seen Folken again, he had been furious that he’d betrayed Fanelia and abandoned the Rite of Succession. At the same time, a tiny part of him had rejoiced that his brother was still alive. It would have been wrong to hug him then. Now, it still felt wrong, both because and in spite of everything that had happened. He wanted to be overjoyed that Folken was alive. He wanted to run to his brother and embrace him, cry all of his joy and strife into the folds of his robe, but he was no longer a little boy, and Folken was no longer his teenage brother.

So much had happened since he’d left Fanelia, and there had been so many times he’d wished he could hug Folken, Mother, or Balgus again. So many times he’d felt afraid and uncertain, felt small. He was secretly glad that Merle always jumped on him and clung to him. But even the daily contact he got from her wasn’t enough. He longed for more. He wanted closeness, wanted warmth and comfort. He wanted touch so much that it felt like a need.

—

He’d barely opened his door on the morning after their return when Merle pounced. His heart jumped into his throat, and he stumbled backward into his room. She looped her arms around his neck and nuzzled his collarbone, which made his heart flutter. Then she let go of him, settling beside him, clinging to his right arm with both of hers, and curling her tail around his legs.

He stood in place and looked down at her. The room was warm, but goosebumps covered his arms.

“Lord Van?” Merle looked up at him, meeting his eyes. “Aren’t you going to breakfast?”

“No. I mean, not yet.” Swallowing his discomfort, he reached for her hands, pulling one of them down to his side and clutching it loosely.

Merle’s eyes widened, and she removed her other hand from his arm. “You’re going to walk to breakfast like that?”

“No, it’s just—” He cut himself off with a noise of exasperation. Expressing his need through actions was difficult, but expressing it in words was impossible, even around the person he’d known the longest other than Mother and Folken.

Instead of explaining, he withdrew his hand from hers, set it on her opposite shoulder, and pulled her close, curling his fist against her shoulder.

“What—What’s wrong?” Her ears twitched, and she gasped. “Lord Van?! Your heart’s beating so fast…”

 _Hug me back, hug me back_. Wasn’t this enough to make her realize? He had always thought she had started clinging to him because Balgus hadn’t been very affectionate. He knew Merle felt the same as he did, that she needed touch. But she seemed blind to _his_ need. He turned his gaze to the window, his stomach curling with shame.

Her soft mew brought him back to reality. “Weren’t you supposed to meet Allen?”

He was. He’d said he’d train with him on the roof of the castle. That aside, his stomach was starting to cramp harder, this time with emptiness.

Reluctantly, he let her go without meeting her eyes. She held onto his elbow, keeping distant from him. He still felt that dull ache in his chest. Merle hadn’t realized what he needed, what he was going through. She hadn’t _seen_ him.

—

Allen was on the roof when he arrived, slashing the air in a few practice forms. Van announced his arrival by clearing his throat, and Allen turned to face him with a smile.

“Good morning.” He stepped toward Van and assumed a fighting stance. “Ready?”

Van squared up and charged at him. Their swords clashed, and he briefly glimpsed Allen’s blue eyes before he landed a hit. Van returned his strike with a heavy blow, but Allen broke the resulting tension instantly. He swung quickly and deftly; matching his speed was a challenge, but Van was now used to Allen’s style and could predict how he would twist before countering, pivoting from his hips just like Balgus.

Their dance quickened. The sun was rising higher, and sweat was beading on Allen’s forehead. The back and armpits of Van’s shirt were already damp, and he was breathing heavier. A tickle in his throat made him cough, which distracted him enough to allow Allen to land a final blow that knocked his sword from his grasp.

He was brushing away the sweat dripping from his bangs when Allen said, “Take a drink.”

He accepted the canteen and his fingers grazed Allen’s, making his heart skip a beat. He was too thirsty to think much of it right then, but once the cool water had slid down his throat, he noticed just how close Allen stood to him.

He took a step forward, closing the arm’s-length distance between them. Heat was radiating from Allen’s body. Allen was sweaty and gross, but so was he.

_If I move just a bit closer, I can brush my arm against his…_

Allen turned to look down at him, one brow quirked. “Something wrong? You’re awfully close.”

Shame heating his face, Van stepped back. “Sorry.”

“Looks like rain.” Clouds were gathering overhead, the mid-morning sky darkening. “And I’m going to have to get something to eat. Let’s head in.”

He started inside. Van followed just behind him, nearly beside him. When they came to the narrow staircase, Van purposely tried to push past him, and when their shoulders bumped, his heart did a backflip.

_He’s still warm. And he’s nearly as tall as Folken._

“What are you doing?” Allen nudged him in return, pushing him back slightly with his shoulder. “You couldn’t wait?”

Leaning his back against the stairwell, he looked down at Van, then extended his hand to his left. “Well, go ahead.” When he didn’t move, Allen furrowed his brow. “You’re acting strange, Van. Is something the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” Van mumbled.

Before something spilled out of him, he ran down the stairs without saying goodbye to Allen. It had been foolish to hope that Allen would have seen him.

—

 _I have to find Hitomi_ , was his first thought. But he couldn’t do that, not anymore. Still, he would rather seek out Hitomi than Folken. He wouldn’t be able to hug her, even if it was his only thought now, buzzing in the back of his mind. When they were flying on Escaflowne, she’d been so close. Allen hadn’t been there, so she’d held onto him and him alone.

Allen was always touching Hitomi, which made sense because she _was_ his lover now. That kiss and their closeness had made him more jealous than she could have ever realized. But she loved Allen, and the last thing he wanted was to stand between them. Whether she chose to stay with Allen or go back to the Mystic Moon, he’d promised to help her. The pendant seemed to be swinging in favor of Allen, so he’d distanced himself as much as he could.

He had nearly returned to his room, resolved to spend his afternoon alone, when he passed Hitomi on her way out of her room. His heart fell into his stomach, and he looked away as she walked by.

“Van?”

Her soft voice made him choke on his gasp. He turned around, his heart fluttering at the sight of her gentle green eyes and her short brown hair, before he frowned and averted his eyes.

 _I want you to see me, Hitomi. I want you to understand me._ But just like with the others, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her.

“You look down,” she said.

“I…” he started, but found his mind stumbling over his tangled thoughts. It wasn’t that being around her was now making him especially _nervous_ , more that everything was just so _uncomfortable_ now. Before she and Allen had become lovers, he’d felt like he could be free with her, like he could let himself spill over if he wanted. But now it was all a twisted mess. Bowing his head, he turned on his heel, intending to run away again.

“Wait!”

Hitomi grabbed his wrist, and all the tension in his entire frame snapped, warmth spreading through his body. He turned around to face her, his heart pounding in his throat. She pulled her hand back, and her cheeks flushed pale pink. Though he wouldn’t have even considered it a moment ago, right then, it took everything in him not to reach for her hand.

“You just looked troubled.” Her eyes shone with concern. “You must still be worried about Folken.”

Van’s heart leapt into his throat. Then he realized his mouth was still hanging open slightly. He closed it, hoping his face wasn’t any redder than hers.

“I’m not worried about _him_.”

“I don’t think he’s a bad person. He saved Naria and her sister, and she loved and believed in him until the end.”

That woman in the Guymelef. She had told him Folken cared for him. She had been right, and Hitomi was right. Folken had never wanted to hurt him. He had tried to get him to come to Zaibach and work alongside him. And he still wanted a world free of war. Van wanted that, too. Even if their goal was the same, after everything, could he really trust his brother?

“He worked with _Zaibach_ ,” Van said.

“But they _used_ him. And he regrets what he did.” She sighed under her breath. “Van, you should give him a chance. I know how much you hate Zaibach, but Folken is still your brother.”

Van’s heart twisted with pain, but it also felt full of light, like dawn was unfolding inside of it. She’d _known_. How had she known what had troubled him? Even if she’d only grasped his wrist for a few precious seconds, she’d known, and she’d seen him. She’d seen him. Not just his ache for touch, but his ache to be understood. To have someone realize that he still felt conflicted about Folken.

He settled for saying, “I don’t know if I can forgive him. But I won’t kill him.”

“I trust him,” Hitomi said decidedly.

Van snapped his head up, furrowing his brow. She met him with an equally determined look.

“He’s a good person,” she explained.

“Whatever you say.”

“You might want to talk to him again. But before that, Millerna is going out to the country to help rebuild. She wants us all to come along. You should probably get ready for that.”

“Fine.”

He looked at her for a moment, then tore his gaze away from her. If he kept his eyes on her, he might start thinking stupid things again, like how even after all of that, he still craved touch. But, he thought as he walked away, it felt nice to be seen. For someone to understand him without him even having to say anything. It almost felt like a warm, comforting hug.


End file.
